'You made me hard, you made me cold

I was simple, but now I know ...'

The Whitlams, 'Made Me Hard', 1999

You may remember I wrote a blog entry earlier in the year about the word ‘perspective’, its definition and how I was sick of hearing it at work (it’s still a struggle, as unfortunately its popularity hasn’t faded – but at least whenever I find myself going to use it I think of a synonym instead so I don’t get annoyed at myself). Well, now I’ve got a few other words on my mind, for slightly different reasons though.

I’ve identified recently that I say the words tricky, hard and difficult a lot, especially when I’m trying to find a nice way to tell someone that what they want from me is not really high on my priority list. Once I realised my habit, I was keen to break it and work harder on accepting the priorities of others; I even told a colleague to keep me in check (who kindly and promptly told me I was probably exaggerating).

It didn’t work. Now I just feel guilty whenever I hear myself say those words, and prick up my ears when I hear others say those words (wondering if they have an ulterior motive like me). For some people I have become more intolerant of their priorities and yet I haven’t found a reasonable way of telling them so.

I’m deciding for the moment to not focus on the fact that this isn’t really a godly practice (or even that professional), to consider how often these words form a reaction to Christianity. How can I expect people to investigate the claims of Jesus and continue in the faith when I give them the response I do to something far easier to comprehend and take action on?

Thankfully the Holy Spirit is more reliable than me.

"... Time takes time you know ..."

Ben Folds, 'Time', 2005

I have a subscription to TIME magazine, which shows up in the mailbox every Monday. Unfortunately the only time I really get to read it these days is in a plane, like the one I’m in right now. I have many back issues that are still sitting in their plastic covers.

Two stories this week have caught my attention:

- Co-operation between Muslims and Christians in Egypt post its recent political uprising. Whilst in principle forming such relationships is a good thing, to win some for Christ, I’m not sure what I think of some of their joint endeavours. For example, protecting each other as they pray, helping each other re-build places of worship that were destroyed, guarding couples where one is Christian and the other Muslim. Am I just being too judgemental? What is God’s will and plan in this situation?
- The science of optimism. I haven’t read this story yet, but it’s the cover story and the reason why I picked this issue of the magazine to bring along on my trip instead of others. It fascinates me that the world keeps trying to uncover answers to questions that find their ‘Yes’ in Christ. Tell me if this is too out there or the wrong train of thought, but God engineered us with optimism to sustain our hope and faith until his plans come to fruition. There is empirical evidence for almost anything if we put our minds to it, but without the gospel what does it mean?

This kind of thinking is exactly why I subscribed in the first place, so I can know what is happening in this world and find ways to discuss these current affairs as a Christian. I just need to make sure I keep reading.

"It's business, It's business time ,

You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business,

That's why they're called business socks ..."

Flight of the Conchords, 'Business Time', 2007

A lot of the travel I do for work is to attend, or perform, audits of our facilities (or our suppliers), to make sure they are complying with regulatory and customer requirements. I’m writing this on a flight from Darwin to Sydney, back from one such audit which wasn’t completely disastrous but probably didn’t go as well as we anticipated or wanted – the site will most likely be graded ‘B’ as opposed to ‘A’. I’m hoping this isn’t a direct reflection of my current engagement to the company I work for or the role I perform, and I was sure to let the guys at the site know that I didn’t think the result was so bad and that there was nothing wrong with the change in status.


I can understand the disappointment though. Wherever we can be graded we want to get the best grade we can – it’s like being back at school again. We all want to be A grade at everything, at work or with our family and friends or even as Christians. If we don’t think we’re up to scratch we often stop trying altogether. I’m so glad that regardless of how our hearts trick us into feeling this way, that God’s kingdom doesn’t operate this way. It has been a hard lesson I have learnt in my short Christian life and continue to learn as I work out how it looks each and every day. Why is there always so much to learn as a Christian ...

Ben Folds ... the idol

"You know there's something in the Bible about forgiveness and love

And more importantly 'bout not throwing stones and what your house is made of ..."

Ben Folds, 'Brainwashed', 2008

I’m not sure how many people actually read this blog. I have a feeling that no-one does, and that I’m writing this for my amusement only. However, if I’m wrong, then whoever is reading this will have worked out by now that I really like Ben Folds. I have been a fan since my teenage years. It seems that whatever I want to write about has a Ben Folds song that speaks directly about it ... or sometimes I hear a song of his and it makes me think, and then I write in my blog. The fact that he is also an incredible musician, pounding that piano like his life depended on it, is just as satisfying.

I have seen Ben Folds in concert three times now, the last time being just a week ago. I took the whole day off work just to revel in the excitement an event like this brings, and he delivered. I screamed lots, sung along to every song (which included some wicked chair dancing), participated wholeheartedly when requested. Some people might say I momentarily served at the altar of this idol/hero with my money and time and adoration; I don’t want to look at it that way. And yet, I can’t help wondering ... there are several things that make Ben Folds who he is that I don’t want to emulate, like the proficient swearing (which you will remember I am trying, valiantly, to stop) and what seems like an inability to value the institution of marriage (he has had four wives now). But then you could say the same about Reel Big Fish, or Cat Stevens, or the Beatles, or any other human who sings awesome music and has flaws or an convoluted personal history. How far should we go as Christians to immerse ourselves in its culture whilst we are here on earth? Does enjoying one of God’s good creations, music, have anything to do with not glorifying Him with our entire being?

Maybe I’m finally turning into one of those people I always thought I wasn’t – someone who thought too much about anything.

Lyrics ... with no topic

"Who are you to tell me how to live my life (my life)

Cause I won't give this up,

These are my shoes, my view, my cue,

To say I do give a f&*k"

Bliss n Eso, 'Addicted', 2010


"Oh Jesus Christ, what name do you go by now,

For the time is passing with the wind blows new decrees

Canned for life your used by date is faded

And followers of you now watch TV"

Powderfinger, 'JC', 1996


Endemic of our society/culture today? I think so.

Heroes of the faith ... now and then

"It's just enough to be strong

In the broken places, in the broken places

It's just enough to be strong

Should the world rely on faith tonight"

Jars of Clay, 'Faith Enough', 2003

We just finished a series at CITV called 'Heroes of The Faith', from Hebrews 11. I have previously heard part of this series at a weekend away in 2010, and it resonated with me then also, so much so that I had already drafted most of another blog entry where it was mentioned. Today though, I thought I might reflect briefly, through my notes (because it has become exceedingly important to maintain notes - God put it on my heart to do this last year and I can really see the blessing now!), on how I saw its message and application between the two occasions:

- The idea of the heart being an 'idol factory' stood out to me originally in the sermon on Abraham sacrificing Isaac (Isaac being a kind of idol to Abraham). I remember clearly thinking that work was my Isaac and that I had to run away from it. This time around, the idea of understanding God's tests, and that we need to see that tests have arrived when obeying God feels foolish or that it will not bring blessing, was more obvious. I have maintained the same job. God seems to have granted me some abilities to not see work as something worth idolising or being a slave to, but a test for my own good where I can truly demonstrate my allegiance. I also remember feeling this time that consumerism may now be more an idol to me, something I have expressed elsewhere recently in this blog.

- Originally I missed both the sermon on Noah and the closing sermon, but I heard the whole series this time. It was really concise yet thorough on what faith is, how that faith can last, and how we can also be a hero of the faith ('a faith that doesn't need success is the ultimate success'). In 2o10 I have noted that faith is a choice and that its sincerity is rewarded, but I may not have grasped the simple fact that it is reasonable and starts from our thoughts.

On a side note, several of the slides in this series were titled 'We Can Be Heroes', which reminded me of the Chris Lilley series of the same title. It was called a mockumentary because that was exactly its purpose - it was mocking us and what we deem heroic/significant in the lives of ourselves and others - and it was pretty funny! But should we really be laughing when as sinners it's not really so far fetched??

My sincere thanks go out to the minister whom God directed to so carefully put together this series so it can be used for my instruction, both as it has been and as it will continue.

Random acts of kindness

"Black fingernails, red wine,

I want to make you all mine ..."

Eskimo Joe, 'Black Fingernails, Red Wine', 2006

So I went for a walk yesterday (hence the song - try doing some exercise to it sometime, it's perfect!), thinking once again about what I could write next in my blog, and it started raining. This brought back a memory from university when my boyfriend (now husband) and I were walking back to my flat when suddenly there was a storm above us. We ran to a service station, where this guy getting petrol - a total stranger - saw us dripping wet and asked if he could give us a lift home. We jumped in his car whilst he paid - he had a $20 note just sitting there, and he obviously trusted us not to do anything with it. I don't remember too much else about the trip, other than he drove us home and we weren't so wet anymore.

I wonder if this guy was a Christian? Or was this just a moment of kindness or morality in a normal life? In some respects I don't mind, I'd just like to imitate his behaviour - but I really hope he has been saved too.