'You made me hard, you made me cold

I was simple, but now I know ...'

The Whitlams, 'Made Me Hard', 1999

You may remember I wrote a blog entry earlier in the year about the word ‘perspective’, its definition and how I was sick of hearing it at work (it’s still a struggle, as unfortunately its popularity hasn’t faded – but at least whenever I find myself going to use it I think of a synonym instead so I don’t get annoyed at myself). Well, now I’ve got a few other words on my mind, for slightly different reasons though.

I’ve identified recently that I say the words tricky, hard and difficult a lot, especially when I’m trying to find a nice way to tell someone that what they want from me is not really high on my priority list. Once I realised my habit, I was keen to break it and work harder on accepting the priorities of others; I even told a colleague to keep me in check (who kindly and promptly told me I was probably exaggerating).

It didn’t work. Now I just feel guilty whenever I hear myself say those words, and prick up my ears when I hear others say those words (wondering if they have an ulterior motive like me). For some people I have become more intolerant of their priorities and yet I haven’t found a reasonable way of telling them so.

I’m deciding for the moment to not focus on the fact that this isn’t really a godly practice (or even that professional), to consider how often these words form a reaction to Christianity. How can I expect people to investigate the claims of Jesus and continue in the faith when I give them the response I do to something far easier to comprehend and take action on?

Thankfully the Holy Spirit is more reliable than me.