Losing a bet

"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,

drifting through the wind,

wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin,

like a house of cards,

one blow from caving in?"

Katy Perry, 'Firework', 2010

(P.S. I don't really like Katy Perry or most of her songs, and this isn't really related to my topic, but I have it stuck in my head and I like these lyrics at least ... plus they sung it on Glee ... is that enough excuses? Or should I just give up on the song thing?)

I lost a bet yesterday, a bet I thought I really should have won, and I actually learnt something as a result of it (don't worry, I'm not trying to talk up the value of betting).

My boss is one of my favourite people - she makes every day at work fun, and she somehow makes it so I come away from that place feeling like I understand things better - myself, the world, the business. She also challenges me to think harder than I otherwise would (I'm pretty sure I wrote in a previous post that I'm not too strong on thinking). It's been a rough week, there have been some interesting (perhaps not entirely correct?) decisions made by people higher up the chain than us, and we're feeling the negativity as a result. My boss decided to spice things up on Friday - and make the environment more neutral - by seeing who could be the first to make 15 positive comments to relative strangers that day.

I don't think I even made one. She absolutely smashed us out of the water. I found myself thinking - and saying - "Am I really a mean person?".

It's surprising how easy it is to get in your comfort zone as a Christian. As I thought about who I could compliment and how, my thoughts kept coming back to the colleagues I was closest to and the good things I had seen in them that day. These are people who differ in their opinions to Christianity - some converts, some unclear (or at least it's not clear to me), some agnostic - and God has not yet used me as a vessel to win any to Christ, despite my prayers and my efforts in relationship with them and so forth. I'm sure if it is God's will that this will be a place to bear fruit for his glory, but it's like I've already limited my scope. Surely my mission should theoretically extend to every encounter I have every day - and yet when I was put on the spot to really do this I stuttered.

The Spirit still has much work to do in me.

Listening

"I'd rather forget and not slow down

Than gather regret for the things I can't change now

If I become what I cannot accept,

Resurrect the saint from within the wretch ..."

Relient K, 'Forget and Not Slow Down', 2009

I've learnt a few things about listening in recent times (some more recent than others):

1. The methods I employ to get my husband to listen to me really don't work so well - especially when he has headphones in his ears so much of the time anyway.

2. I often try and multitask at work - I will listen to someone on the phone whilst I'm trying to read e-mails or do some other kind of work at the same time. Generally I think I'm ok at multitasking, but I can't do it in this circumstance, and I lose chunks of conversation (during this time you will hear me saying 'yes' or 'wow' or some other non descript words). I have to concentrate on the traffic outside the window or something else in order to really listen to the person on the phone.

3. I can often be engrossed in a conversation with someone, something that they will ponder for days afterwards, which I can walk away from and almost instanteous archive it in my brain until they bring it up again. Ironically, the idea for this post came from one of the few occasions where that didn't happen ....

('When was that?' - I hear you asking)

... Lately I've been having an ongoing conversation with a colleague on the day when we leave our current business and embark on a new challenge, which (dare I say it) has been a joy and an inspiration, although as you might expect I am a little hesitant to jump in. It occurred to me last Sunday though (when we looked at some principles of listening to God's word and its priority in our life from Luke) that I spend so much time listening to and involving myself in and having conversations about worldly priorities (such as those I share with my colleague), and as a result God is just off the radar. That needs to be reversed! I need to differentiate worldly and heavenly priorities in what I listen to, and beyond for that matter.

I'm really going to need help with this if the traits I've outlined above are anything to go by.